Immigration Minister Peter Dutton is the son of Satan. He made the surprise announcement at a press conference earlier today.
“I can’t continue this charade any longer,” he said, taking a small black book from under his suit jacket. “I am he who will bring darkness unto all.” He then started reading from the book and the sky grew dark and the earth did shake.
“It was a bit shocking that this is when he chose to go public,” said Prime Minister, Malcolm Turnbull. “But let’s face it – there will be very few people genuinely surprised. I mean, look at him.”
Dutton then went to pull off his mask, before realising that he wasn’t wearing one. “You mean, I’ve been walking around earth like this and nobody pointed out an undead demon was Minister of Immigration?” he asked gathered journalists, with a few then pointing out that many people had said that exact thing.
When asked whether Dutton will be staying on in his current role, the Prime Minister seemed shocked. “We have the embodiment of evil as Immigration Minister, it fits our policies perfectly. We just need someone from Enron running the Finance Ministry and we’re all set.”