Pauline Hanson Revises Policy – Asians Good, Muslims Bad

Speaking for the first time to Senate colleagues, Senator Pauline Hanson has issued a public apology for her previous attacks on Asian Australians.
“I want to apologise to the Asian community for claiming they were coming into our country, taking our jobs, buying our properties and stealing all the white women,” said Hanson, shooting a wink and finger guns at Senator Penny Wong.
“I have now learned that it’s not the Asians who have ruined our country, but Muslims. They come here, and immediately gather in a shadowy room, thinking of ways to introduce Sharia Law, it’s like that show 24.”
Senator Jacqui Lambie then rose from her seat, and attempted to start a slow clap, but when no one joined in screamed, “They took our jobs,” and retook her seat.
Hanson continued, “They also have their own set of religious beliefs, and choose not to do things the way we do them. I mean, why should they have the right to wear things on their head?”
Senator Derryn Hinch subtly pulled off his baseball cap and shoved it under his desk.
“Look,” said Hanson, leaning forward, her voice full of passion. “I know many people think I’m one-dimensional, and can only speak of hate. They say I lack the intelligence and so need to attempt to demonise people, without any real and enforceable policy…” She looked around the room, “I’m sorry, what was I talking about?”
Lambie stood again, attempting another slow clap, with no one joining for the second time, she raised her right fist in the air. “Tasmania!”
“So in summary,” said Hanson. “Asians are good, their food is both delicious and nutritious, and Muslims are bad.” Before retaking her seat, Hansen walked over to Senator Lambie and explained to her the appropriate time to begin a slow clap.

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