Trump To Stop Speaking To Reduce Misquotes

Donald Trump has announced he is tired of being misquoted in the media, and will no longer speak out loud. Instead, he will stare at people and they can imagine what he’s saying and clap loudly.
At what will be presumably his last press conference that needs a microphone, Trump said, “I am sick, and tired of journalists quoting me exactly, and confusing my message. By taking my words, and printing them verbatim, the news media has shown its bias. This new communication strategy will allow my supporters, and reporters to think of the best thing imaginable, picture me saying it and then be amazed at how brilliant I am. This also means that I don’t need to be present at speeches or announcements, and people can just think of me, imagine I’m promising exactly what they want and decide to vote for me.”
Trump was asked what sort of things people could imagine him saying.
“It’s not up to me to control people’s imaginations. If you’re a little girl, you might dream of a pink bike; little boys will probably want blue ones.”
Fox commentator, Megyn Kelly, nervously raised a hand. “Mister Trump, it sounds like you are claiming to be Santa Claus.”
“Typical Megan, taking things completely in context. Look, to be clear I am claiming to be Santa Claus and will deliver everyone’s dreams. But don’t take that to mean that I think I am Santa Claus, or will deliver on everyone’s dreams.”
He was then muzzled by a staffer, and his approval rating instantly rose 15 points.

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