United States President Donald Trump has apologised to the widow of a fallen US soldier during a press conference in Phoenix, Arizona. When asked if he regrets suggesting Myeshia Johnson was lying with her claims that Trump forgot her husband’s name and told her that ‘he knew what he was getting himself in for, but I guess it still hurts,’ Trump struck a more consolidatory tone.
“Of course I regret it,” said Trump, holding his thumb and forefinger together and the universal symbol for ‘wanker’s cramp.’ “And furthermore, I would like to apologise both to Mrs Johnson and the American people for the misunderstanding.”
Several journalists fainted and two experienced cardiac arrest upon hearing Trump use the word apologise and not following it up with ‘to me.’ The President was then asked to clarify.
“It seems that many people have interpreted me forgetting that person’s name as a sign of disrespect. But I always remember the names of people that I hate. Rosie O’Donnell, Stephen Colbert, everyone at CNN, the prick who does my hair, his name’s Jeremy. They’re all pieces of crap. The people I respect and like are the only ones who I give the honour of forgetting their names. Like this lady, she’s always wandering around with me and I think she is great. Whatever her name is.”
Melania Trump’s body double responded with a nod.
“And my children,” continued Trump.” Let me put it this way. I always remember Eric’s name.”
“I’m sorry Mr President,” said a reporter from CNN, looking nervously at Secret Service agents who began fingering their weapons when as she started to speak. “You said something about an apology?”
“That’s right Fake News,” said Trump. ” I want to apologise if you were too stupid to understand what I was saying. Obviously, I overestimated everyone’s ability to interpret the subtleties of my brilliant communication. So I’m sorry that I thought you were smarter than you were.”
It was then pointed out by a journalist that arguing spouses say that type of thing when they really don’t want to apologise. A memorial service for him will be held in Jacksonville, Florida later this week,