Man Explains Reasons for Voting Against Gay Marriage, Gets Beaten to Pulp

A self-described ‘open and caring guy,’ from the Brisbane suburb of Archerfield has been assaulted after explaining to friends gathered at a party on Saturday night why he voted against gay marriage.
“I’ve got nothing against gay people,” said Brett Townsend, 27. “It’s just that I don’t think they should be allowed to get married to the way, you know, normal people do.”
Also at the party was Cameron Dettori, one of Brett’s closest friends, who offered Factoid Media his own take on the situation.
“I was confused,” said Dettori. “I mean seriously, what’s the difference? Gay people have defacto rights and can adopt children, why shouldn’t they be able to get married?”
At the party, Townsend drilled deeper into the details of his fundamental ethos with regards to homosexuality.
“Firstly, some of my best friends are gay and anyone who knows me would say that I love gay people. Not like that. But I love them. But why should everyone be allowed to do everything? I mean, some things have to be kept sacred.”
“It was at this point I needed to intervene,” said Dettori. “After all, what he was saying didn’t make a tremendous amount of sense.”
According to eyewitnesses, Dettori enquired of Townsend, “What the fucking fuck are you talking about you fuckwit?”
“Well, marriage is a sacred bond between…”
Dettori then interrupted and attempted to use examples from other Western nations as to why the issue of marriage and religious belief through dated doctrine should be kept entirely separate. He then went on to point out that this is more of an issue about the nature of society, inclusiveness and the ability of people to accept one another’s life choices than it is about sexual preference.
Following this, according to several accounts, Townsend then began repeating the phrase about marriage being sacred, following which Dettori picked up a nearby garden gnome and threw it at Townsend’s head.
“I wasn’t so much angry as I was frustrated at hearing incoherent, outdated dogma from someone who I thought had the ability to think for themselves,” said Dettori. “I mean, there’s only so much nonsense you can take before you just need to pick up a garden gnome and throw it.”
The violence then escalated as more partygoers tried to explain the fundamental principles of a cohesive community and police were called to the scene. They attempted to assist by using really small words to explain to Townsend how far society has come since the dark ages but were unsuccessful.
“We can’t win them all,” said Constable Angela Simpson. “I guess for some people, evolution is just something that happened to everyone else.”

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