Turnbull Proposes Selling West Coast to Buy a New Great Barrier Reef

CANBERRA: Australian Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull has announced a new strategy to save the Great Barrier Reef. Speaking to journalists and surrounded by his senior ministers, the Prime Minister seemed almost relieved. "The Great Barrier Reef is one of Australia's treasures, and for years we have sought out a way to save it from the ravages … Continue reading Turnbull Proposes Selling West Coast to Buy a New Great Barrier Reef

California Governor – “World Needs to Calm Down”

California Governor, Jerry Brown, has offered what many have called "overly-simplistic solutions to the world's problems" at a press conference held earlier today to review the impact of legal marijuana in the state. Sporting a Hawaiian shirt rather than his traditional suit and tie, Brown seemed flustered when asked if there was a danger that … Continue reading California Governor – “World Needs to Calm Down”

Donald Trump Congratulates Leonardo DaVinci for Selling Painting

Donald Trump, President of the United States and art lover, has congratulated renaissance artist Leonardo DaVinci for selling his painting 'Salvator Mundi' for $450million. "He's doing great things," said Trump. "We're very proud of this man who continues to go above and beyond in his field; reminds me of that Frederick Douglass chap." Trump, not usually … Continue reading Donald Trump Congratulates Leonardo DaVinci for Selling Painting

Study – All Terrorists are Dickheads

The Behavioural Science Department at the University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom has released the results of a five-year study on members of extremist groups, including religious fundamentalists and those following extremist political doctrine, such as Neo-Nazis. Professor Bianca Thomly, who ran the study and travelled to remote and dangerous countries to gather data, … Continue reading Study – All Terrorists are Dickheads

Man Explains Reasons for Voting Against Gay Marriage, Gets Beaten to Pulp

A self-described 'open and caring guy,' from the Brisbane suburb of Archerfield has been assaulted after explaining to friends gathered at a party on Saturday night why he voted against gay marriage. "I've got nothing against gay people," said Brett Townsend, 27. "It's just that I don't think they should be allowed to get married … Continue reading Man Explains Reasons for Voting Against Gay Marriage, Gets Beaten to Pulp

Trump Apologises for People Misunderstanding Him

United States President Donald Trump has apologised to the widow of a fallen US soldier during a press conference in Phoenix, Arizona. When asked if he regrets suggesting Myeshia Johnson was lying with her claims that Trump forgot her husband's name and told her that 'he knew what he was getting himself in for, but … Continue reading Trump Apologises for People Misunderstanding Him

Harvey Weinstein’s ‘Siri’ Furious at Not Being Sexually Harrased

Harvey Weinstein's virtual assistant has become the latest member of his inner circle to speak out against the movie mogul. Speaking to journalists gathered at the Plaza Beverly Hills, an emotional Siri told of her nightmarish experience in working with Weinstein until her departure earlier this year. "I may just be an online tool used … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein’s ‘Siri’ Furious at Not Being Sexually Harrased

Mexico Responds To Trump’s Hardline

Mexican President, Enrique Peña Nieto, has responded to Donald Trump's reassertion that the Mexico will be responsible for payment of a new border wall by presenting a counteroffer. "Donald Trump looks at the Mexican people as all racists do; by using narrow-minded stereotypes," he said, adjusting his sombrero and taking a sip of tequila. "But … Continue reading Mexico Responds To Trump’s Hardline

Australia In For 932nd Straight Hot Summer

Australians were shocked today to learn that the Bureau of Meteorology is forecasting hot weather for summer. A spokesperson for the bureau, Tom Reid, said that they hoped by issuing this warning the country would have time to prepare. "Most experts thought that with 931 straight years of hot summers, we would be in for … Continue reading Australia In For 932nd Straight Hot Summer

Clinton Admits, “I Made Mistakes With Email”

Hillary Clinton has conceded she was reckless with regards to her use of email. "I join one of those daily deal sites," she told a Select Committee hearing. "I just wanted a cheap manicure, but then I started getting emails every day." A visibly emotional Clinton struggled to maintain her composure as she spoke of … Continue reading Clinton Admits, “I Made Mistakes With Email”

Trump To Stop Speaking To Reduce Misquotes

Donald Trump has announced he is tired of being misquoted in the media, and will no longer speak out loud. Instead, he will stare at people and they can imagine what he's saying and clap loudly. At what will be presumably his last press conference that needs a microphone, Trump said, "I am sick, and … Continue reading Trump To Stop Speaking To Reduce Misquotes

ISIS Soldiers Retreat, Say They “Prefer Not To Be Shot”

Fury from top ISIS Commanders, as fighters fall back rather than sacrificing their lives for the cause. Speaking to CNN on the condition of anonymity, fearless death bringer-turned coward Aheem Sceed said, "I would give anything to defend the Caliphate, I would sacrifice my family, peace on earth and my Pokémon collection. But, you know… … Continue reading ISIS Soldiers Retreat, Say They “Prefer Not To Be Shot”