ISIS Soldiers Retreat, Say They “Prefer Not To Be Shot”

Fury from top ISIS Commanders, as fighters fall back rather than sacrificing their lives for the cause. Speaking to CNN on the condition of anonymity, fearless death bringer-turned coward Aheem Sceed said, "I would give anything to defend the Caliphate, I would sacrifice my family, peace on earth and my Pokémon collection. But, you know… … Continue reading ISIS Soldiers Retreat, Say They “Prefer Not To Be Shot”

CNN Tones Down Headlines – Readers Terrified

In a bizarre change of strategy, CNN has decided to start telling the truth in it's headlines, rather than seducing readers with crazy statements. "We got some complaints," says Gina Staghorn, a spokesperson for CNN. "Apparently, a small group of extremists don't want headlines like, 'Is The World About To End?' and then discovering it's a … Continue reading CNN Tones Down Headlines – Readers Terrified