California Governor – “World Needs to Calm Down”

California Governor, Jerry Brown, has offered what many have called "overly-simplistic solutions to the world's problems" at a press conference held earlier today to review the impact of legal marijuana in the state. Sporting a Hawaiian shirt rather than his traditional suit and tie, Brown seemed flustered when asked if there was a danger that … Continue reading California Governor – “World Needs to Calm Down”

Australia In For 932nd Straight Hot Summer

Australians were shocked today to learn that the Bureau of Meteorology is forecasting hot weather for summer. A spokesperson for the bureau, Tom Reid, said that they hoped by issuing this warning the country would have time to prepare. "Most experts thought that with 931 straight years of hot summers, we would be in for … Continue reading Australia In For 932nd Straight Hot Summer

Clinton Admits, “I Made Mistakes With Email”

Hillary Clinton has conceded she was reckless with regards to her use of email. "I join one of those daily deal sites," she told a Select Committee hearing. "I just wanted a cheap manicure, but then I started getting emails every day." A visibly emotional Clinton struggled to maintain her composure as she spoke of … Continue reading Clinton Admits, “I Made Mistakes With Email”

Pauline Hanson Revises Policy – Asians Good, Muslims Bad

Speaking for the first time to Senate colleagues, Senator Pauline Hanson has issued a public apology for her previous attacks on Asian Australians. "I want to apologise to the Asian community for claiming they were coming into our country, taking our jobs, buying our properties and stealing all the white women," said Hanson, shooting a … Continue reading Pauline Hanson Revises Policy – Asians Good, Muslims Bad

Peter Dutton Admits To Being Anti-Christ

Immigration Minister Peter Dutton is the son of Satan. He made the surprise announcement at a press conference earlier today. "I can't continue this charade any longer," he said, taking a small black book from under his suit jacket. "I am he who will bring darkness unto all." He then started reading from the book and … Continue reading Peter Dutton Admits To Being Anti-Christ

The First 12 Months Of President Trump

Month 1 Trump is inaugurated and immediately asks all Muslims and Mexicans in the audience to leave. An aid whispers into his ear, Donald smiles and turns back to the crowd. ‘Just kidding,’ he says, using air quotes. The aid whispers again. ‘Oh, I see,’ says Trump, turning again to the crowd. ‘Just kidding, nothing … Continue reading The First 12 Months Of President Trump

Queensland Premier Enjoys Looking Down On Everyone

The 'Tower of Power' now throbs over the Brisbane CBD,and Premier Asdfanisdfsdf Psdfjnsdf.... or something...couldn't be more impressed. "It's so....big," she said, blushing slightly, at a press conference held in her new office on the 500th floor. "You can't help but be astounded by the height and girth." Pwersdfdfsa also pointed out the bipartisan effort … Continue reading Queensland Premier Enjoys Looking Down On Everyone