Malcolm Turnbull, has responded to news of his plunging popularity, with the maturity and pragmatism expected of a world leader. "I don't care," said Turnbull to a group of reporters, as he prepared to be sworn in as Australia's 45th Prime Minister. "Polls are silly, and you guys are all stupid heads." He then covered … Continue reading PM Grumpy-Pants, Treasurer Sent To Timeout
Speaking for the first time to Senate colleagues, Senator Pauline Hanson has issued a public apology for her previous attacks on Asian Australians. "I want to apologise to the Asian community for claiming they were coming into our country, taking our jobs, buying our properties and stealing all the white women," said Hanson, shooting a … Continue reading Pauline Hanson Revises Policy – Asians Good, Muslims Bad
Berlin residents were surprised yesterday at the return of former Nazi Minister of Propaganda, Joseph Goebbels. Slightly charred, and a bit ripe having died over 80 years ago, Goebbels addressed a gathering of right-wing extremists. "I've taken time out from endless torments in the pits of hell, to address an injustice," said Dr Goebbels, holding … Continue reading Nazi Returns From Grave To Disown Trump
Immigration Minister Peter Dutton is the son of Satan. He made the surprise announcement at a press conference earlier today. "I can't continue this charade any longer," he said, taking a small black book from under his suit jacket. "I am he who will bring darkness unto all." He then started reading from the book and … Continue reading Peter Dutton Admits To Being Anti-Christ
Tragic news from Pakistan, as an avalanche on K2, has claimed the life of a white person. And some other non-white people. "It's obviously very saddening," said Australia's Ambassador to Pakistan, Steve Gifred. "I'm not sure who he was or where he came from, but to lose a white person is a tragedy beyond comprehension." … Continue reading 1 White Person Dies In Avalanche. And 432 Others.
In a bizarre change of strategy, CNN has decided to start telling the truth in it's headlines, rather than seducing readers with crazy statements. "We got some complaints," says Gina Staghorn, a spokesperson for CNN. "Apparently, a small group of extremists don't want headlines like, 'Is The World About To End?' and then discovering it's a … Continue reading CNN Tones Down Headlines – Readers Terrified
Month 1 Trump is inaugurated and immediately asks all Muslims and Mexicans in the audience to leave. An aid whispers into his ear, Donald smiles and turns back to the crowd. ‘Just kidding,’ he says, using air quotes. The aid whispers again. ‘Oh, I see,’ says Trump, turning again to the crowd. ‘Just kidding, nothing … Continue reading The First 12 Months Of President Trump
The 'Tower of Power' now throbs over the Brisbane CBD,and Premier Asdfanisdfsdf Psdfjnsdf.... or something...couldn't be more impressed. "It's so....big," she said, blushing slightly, at a press conference held in her new office on the 500th floor. "You can't help but be astounded by the height and girth." Pwersdfdfsa also pointed out the bipartisan effort … Continue reading Queensland Premier Enjoys Looking Down On Everyone